Coffee & TV: Faking It, shower coffee
I am fond of the term "romantic reversal" because it's antiquated and overly James-ian (Whartonian?), so as a result it takes people a few moments to register the events actually referenced and then chuckle (hopefully) at how clever I am, which buys me valuable time to either distract them with another topic, or gather the emotional wherewithal to minimize/humorize the situation. (What does making this joke solve for you? as my therapist says. Often says.)
I also like its lack of specificity; it could describe someone not texting you back, or a hookup that failed to turn into something more sustained, or the end of a relationship, or your not-girlfriend not-breaking up with you (because you're not in a relationship) again. The last just purely as an example.
Hi guys, it's me, your favorite coffee-and-tv-loving primate, and I'm suffering a romantic reversal!
I've been dealing with my not-relationship problems in the time honored way of overwork, staying out too late, substance (ab)use, and their co-morbid behaviors, all of which have their own associated problems, including but not limited to: hangovers so bad you want to die, sleep deprivation, random episodes of sobbing, chafing, dehydration, constant low grade ennui, etc. If you're a celebrity you get to say you have "exhaustion" and go to Canyon Ranch. If you're not a celebrity you'll have to just....get by somehow, which is how I discovered: Shower Coffee!
When I'm running behind and in a...let's call it a State, I used to believe I had to choose between my elaborate-yet-essential Coffee Making Practice, and showering, which takes about as long. No more! No more. As long as you have a typical New York-sized bathroom (i.e., tiny, where every fixture is within arm's reach of every other fixture), you, too, can enjoy shower coffee. Or perhaps you can erect a small shelf for this purpose, or just drag over a stool or table.
I feel like the possibility of water getting into the coffee makes consuming it in the shower less than 100% ideal, but that's just me, a crazy person. And for someone who spills as much as I do the benefits should be more than outweigh that potential negative. You don't even have to be ending a non-relationship to enjoy shower coffee! You just might be tired, or in a hurry, or maybe small humans will introduce foreign objects into your beverages if you leave them unattended for any period of time.
I'm minimizing again though. Something doesn't have to be a "relationship" with a capital R to be important, and you don't have to be exclusive with someone for a long time to catch feelings for them. Anyway. My relationship with my not-girlfriend had reached a very important milestone: we had a show we watched together. It wasn't an hour-long, multi-season drama (now THAT is a commitment), and it wasn't very good, but it was Our Show.
I never told my not-girlfriend how familiar I was with Our Show from my pre-her life. I was sort of embarrassed when we were scrolling through Hulu and it came up in the "recently watched" activity.
"What's that?" she asked.
"Oh, um, Faking It. It's pretty bad but it's also kind of amazing."
(also WTF Hulu? In what world does "recently watched" = "four fucking years ago??" hmmmph)
Sensing a weak spot she started to tease me and this quickly became unbearable.
"Why don't we just watch a little and see if you like it?" I said. I was at this point very scared she would tickle me.
Faking It (MTV) has a stupid premise but if you're able to make it through the pilot you might find yourself succumbing to its small and genuine charms. It's about two best friends, Karma and Amy, who go to a very liberal high school in Austin, TX -- a high school "so tolerant and accepting the outcasts are the in-crowd!" (mandatory shot of the usual crew of emo kids and hackey sackers, with a yoga class thrown in because Austin? I guess).
Karma and Amy. Karma is pretending to be blind because #reasons #problematic
Karma and Amy want to rise from high school obscurity and get invited to Shane Harvey's Friday night parties. "Why?" Amy says. "We hate high school during the day, I doubt we'd like it better at night when everybody's been drinking....I just feel like kids these days are chugging jugs of hand sanitizer."
"CorRECTion," Karma says. "Cute BOYS are chugging hand sanitizer....and then lowering their [sing-songs] STANDards...."
Karma, later: "So what if I like the hottest guy in school? I'm a fucking teenage girl!"
Despite Karma's obvious boy-craziness, she and Amy are mistaken for lesbians...somehow, and that, in their Bizarro High School World, rockets them to popularity, to Karma's great excitement and Amy's great discomfort. Karma runs with it. Everyone knows who they are. They're invited to Shane Harvey's Friday night party. Karma and Amy are interviewed by the school newspaper (which is of course a tumblr, because 2014). Finally they are nominated for Homecoming Queens, a nomination which they accept by kissing in front of the entire school cafeteria. Or really, Karma, who's been the driver behind this entire insane plan, kisses Amy.
Oh Amy. Karma is 'woah'-ing because she can't believe this whole lesbian thing worked so well! Not because she felt that kiss way you did. You two are Not On The Same Page.
Now, post-cafeteria, the hottest guy in school (Liam Booker) is finally interested in Karma, but he doesn't want to break up Hester High's most beloved couple. Amy discovers she really likes Karma, like for real for real. In love with your best friend, girl. It happens to....a lot of us. Karma decides that the best way to get Liam to sleep with her is to make it a threesome with her, Liam, and Amy, because Karma's ideas are the best.
"This show is kind of great," my not-girlfriend said.
"Right?" I said.
Meanwhile, Amy's mom is marrying a Dallas Republican, whose daughter, Lauren, wants her rightful place as Queen Bee of Hester High, and knows -- because they all live together, mom, dad, Amy, and Lauren -- that Karma and Amy are Faking It. But Lauren has a secret of her own.....
Woof!
Perhaps you can see why I was reluctant to summarize this show to my not-girlfriend. It is #problematic, and only more so four (yikes it has been four) years later. To imagine, a high school in Texas so liberal that what's cool is being gay! And where faking being a lesbian for popularity is somehow more...realistic isn't the right word, but better, somehow, than faking being straight for, you know, survival! I guess that's it. For people my age and for people who for other reasons really felt they couldn't be gay and out in high school, this premise is pretty offensive. Even at the time of airing Faking It took a lot of criticism for its issues with B and T representation, which I won't summarize here since you can dive right in to that the next time you want to log in to Tumblr.
Representation matters, though. It's not just Karma and Amy, there are many other gay characters. High schoolers! Karma and Amy are cute and relatable, there are lots of one-liners, and TV's first intersex character, played by an intersex actor. Faking It's a mess, sure, but a hot and funny one. I was brought to tears by this scene, when Amy and Karma's "song" comes on at Amy's mom's wedding. The song is "Straight Up" by Paula Abdul because MTV can't ever not:
this is one straight minute of choreographed dance
What if there had been a show like this on when I was in high school? I don't think my life would have been that different, because I couldn't watch TV, still, for one thing, and because compulsory heterosexuality really is a hell of a drug. But I like to think it might have been, a little. ​
I first watched Faking It at a very low point in my life. I knew I was not straight but I didn't really know what to do about it. "You know how I haven't been dating men for several years?" I imagined saying to friends/family. "Well, turns out I'm also open to the possibility of not dating women!" I had gone on some dates and told some people but, like everything else at the time, nothing seemed to be working out. Friendship had just been published. Emily was engaged but not yet married. I bring this up because our relationship was at its most public, and I was worried if I was more "out," whatever that meant, people would assume I was obsessed with Emily, in a creepy Single White Female kind of way. But now I know, who cares if people think I'm obsessed with Emily? First of all that's homophobic and second of all, it's kind of true. We are mutually and non-sexually obsessed with each other.
I actually am pretty sure - and the irony, oh, I feel it - I was watching this scene, the Straight Up scene, when I got Keith's text, that he was waiting outside to pick me up in the car that would take me and him and Chad up to Rosendale where he and Emily got married the next day. And I turned off the TV and grabbed my bag and my bridesmaid's dress and went downstairs.
Faking It was cancelled after three seasons; my not-girlfriend and I only watched the first, so I don't know what happens to Karma and Amy and the other teenagers at Hester High. If you find out, let me know.
Until next time,
Ruth
For just a few more days you can get 30% off any Emily Book with discount code HERSTORY!!
My episode of the So Many Damn Books podcast goes live Tuesday (April 3); I'm talking about Sigrid Nunez's The Friend and you should totally read it because it's great and then you'll also get all my jokes
My Tournament of Books judgement (between Dear Cyborgs and Manhattan Beach) went live earlier this month, and people kind of lost their minds over it and TMN had to institute a comment policy as a direct result! So, you know, check that out I guess!
Support my coffee fund here.
